As an old year ends and a new set of 365 days begins, do you have your Fintech ready to go? Are you responding TL;DR to verbose Christmas letters, or exclaiming over family members with a few more Adorbs this week? Perhaps it’s time to really get up close and personal with your Haptics.

Are you totally clueless? You’re not alone. Unless you’re personally in the middle of those fabulous teenage/college/twenty-something years, or perhaps live with such creatures, you might have thought part of the first paragraph was written in a foreign language. Essentially, it was.

Fintech, TL;DR, Adorbs, and Haptics, according to extensive research, are all terms liberally sprinkled throughout communications – be they verbal or screen-based – of today’s latest members of the “Me” generation. Fintech refers to “products and companies that employ newly developed digital and online technologies in the banking and financial services industries.” TL;DR is simply shorthand for “Too Long; Didn’t Read.” Adorbs is pretty obvious: “Extremely charming or appealing; adorable.” And Haptics means “the use of electronically or mechanically generated movement that a user experiences through the sense of touch as part of an interface (such as on a gaming console or smartphone).”

Not all words that are in vogue now are new. Apparently the ubiquitous “like” and “you know” are still quite popular – especially when utilized repeatedly in conversation. As in, “Like, you know, I was, like, talking to Brittany, you know, and, like, she was saying, like, you know, Jason was, like, gonna ask Emily out, you know. But, like, Emily was, like, already seeing Todd, you know, and, like, that wasn’t cool.” (“Cool,” by the way, continues its decades-long run as a generational-spanning word of approval or social comment.)

Many of the new words and phrases making their way into 2018-2019 lexicon are really often letters that stand for words because nobody wants to take the time to overuse thumbs in sending texts. Several key ones that might come up in any text, Tweet, Instagram, Snapchat, email, or other electronic message include “TBT.” Originally “Throwback Thursday,” it now is a reference to anytime in the past, immediate or long-term. “Bae” is a term of endearment (“before anyone else”). “SMH” means you disapprove of something (“Shake My Head”). “ILYSM” is self-explanatory: “I love you so much.” “BC” is short for that really long word, “because.” Ditto “Fam” for family. “IKR” is “I know, right?” “Throw Shade” is your basic insult: “I threw shade about her bailing on lunch.”

There are many more phrases, as you might imagine. And it’s important for everyone to know them because those members of society who use this nomenclature will, in a couple of decades, be in charge of the world. So you’d best pay attention. Otherwise, they may decide to throw some of that shade on your Social Security without your knowledge. Or consign you to a “home” before you can even say “OMG” while you’re actually on your way.

Middle school and high school teachers (and I suppose college professors, although they speak their own language) may be the only vocabulary bridge available to those of a current certain age. If you need an interpreter, those who interact with the new word-users daily are a good go-to source. (Much like you now depend on a friendly 8-year-old to show you how to use the new iPhone you got for Christmas or how to hook up your laptop to your new HD-TV so you can finally access Netflix and find out what’s so great about Orange Is the New Black, The Crown, and Stranger Things.

Just in case you think that’s all you need to remember, think again. There are a few other phrases you need to keep on the tip of your tongue – and thumbs. Be on the lookout for “Rando” (a random person who is not particularly welcome), “Hophead” (a beer enthusiast, not a drug addict), “Hangry” (irritable and angry because of hunger), and “Mocktail” (a nonalcoholic cocktail – think updated Shirley Temple).

Of course, you can always try to force previous popular teen slang on an unsuspecting generation. Why not try out “groovy” and see how far that gets you in the coolness factor with a random high school sophomore? Or fink, gnarly, outta sight, pig (no, don’t use that one), stoked, truckin’, and the ever-popular, “What’s your bag, man?” Who knows? Those words and expressions might catch on again and those who long ago left teenage years and hip talk may yet be cool once more.

Nah. I’m just kidding. We’ll never be “sick” again in the eyes of the newest generation. It’s best we just grab a “marg” and some “guac” and nod our heads sagely as if we are obviously in the know.

©MMXVIII. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer