Does it seem to you that a good bit of the most interesting news of any given week comes from the south lawn of the White House as President Trump is walking from the residence to his helicopter? For example, the purchase of Greenland. (Where did that come from?) I’m pretty sure he springs tidbits of news on the reporters gathered on the grounds just to make sure they’re paying attention. (As if every one of them isn’t poised to pounce on any perceived misspeaking the President may make.)

It seems to me as if Mr. Trump is usually expanding on the “Tweet of the Week” at those quasi-press conference settings. You know, defending every word he said about “Sleepy Joe Biden,” “Lyin’ Hillary,” “Shady James Comey,” and one of his latest, “King Elijah of Baltimore,” among many others. He doesn’t tend to back down much either. And some of the names stick. (“Pocahontas” and “Crazy Bernie/Nancy” come to mind.)

But buying Greenland? That’s a new one. No doubt the President is a real estate wheeler and dealer. Purchasing an 860,000-square mile hunk of ice is quite a different matter from carving out a few acres for a hotel and golf resort. 

Just in case you missed geography class the one day that was spent on Greenland, you might be interested to know there are roughly 60,000 residents. It’s an autonomous country of the Kingdom of Denmark. I think that’s somewhat like the United States owning the Virgin Islands. The world’s biggest island (more than three times the size of Texas) is home-ruled with its own parliament, but still Danish-dependent. Denmark apparently kicks in two-thirds of Greenland’s yearly budget, with the rest coming from – what else – fishing. 

The names of many of the largest cities qualify as spelling bee award winners. Sisimiut, Ilulissat, Aasiaat, Qaqortoq, Maniitsoq, Tasiilaq, Paamuit, and the capital, Nuuk. (By the way, my spellcheck feature just had a stroke trying to keep up with those monikers.)

Most citizens live along Greenland’s 24,000 miles of coastline. They are obviously not stupid. The inner area of the country might be the polar opposite (pun intended) of the Australian Outback, but the struggle to exist for long in either climate is quite the same.

Vikings from Iceland pretty much settled the place in the 10thcentury. Erik the Red must have had one of the premier marketing geniuses the world has ever known with him on the first trip. Maybe his name was Kristoffer the Creative. What a sell job to those back home. “Let’s call it Greenland. Everybody will want to go.” What a rude awakening for those that bought the timeshare program sight unseen. Canada is actually very close by, so you have to think many of those early settlers kept on going once they saw they’d been flim-flammed with no return ticket available.

There isn’t a whole lot of agriculture that goes on. There are some reindeer available for meat and the occasional polar bear. But seals, walruses, and whales constitute the main ingredients for a lot of dishes. 

Some mining has taken place too. Lead, zinc, silver, coal, and even a little gold have been found. Plus iron, uranium, copper, diamonds, and other minerals. Oil and natural gas is becoming more accessible too.

But none of the aforementioned products and natural resources are yet huge income-producers. Given The Donald’s eye toward the bottom line on any deal, you have to wonder what he thinks the return would be on the purchase of the island. 

I have a theory. 

First off, about two-thirds of the country is within the Arctic Circle. Extensive research shows that January temperatures average in the 20s. It warms up considerably in July to about the mid-40s. That’s in south Greenland, of course. Up north it’s a tad chillier – maybe thirty below or so on a crisp winter morn.

With climate change warming up the planet, there could someday be a huge shortage of ice. And Greenland has that in spades. Even with a bit of melting, the thickness of the Greenland ice sheet is nothing at which to sneeze. We’re talking 5000 feet or more of frozen water. That’s a lot of cubes for cold Coca-Colas and other beverages of choice. Maybe Mr. Trump is thinking of having the U.S. corner the market for ice. The Chinese like their Sinkiang Black Beer iced down. And not many Russians would turn down vodka on the rocks.

It just might make sense to buy Greenland now, before everybody else thinks it’s a cool idea.

©MMXIX. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer