Normally at this juncture in a presidential election year, We the People would be inundated with all manner of political pundits providing poignant prognostications about which candidates were doing well in primary elections and which were in the process of packing it up to head home. Not so this year. In 2024, since Biden and Trump have already locked up their respective party nominations, it’s all over but the shouting until the R and D conventions convene this summer to make things official.

Whatever will we do to fill the void? Oh, I suppose demonstrating students (and perhaps an outside agitator or two?) on myriad campuses this past couple of weeks have created talking points for many. But classes will soon be over for the year and many students may find an arrest record something of a detriment to gainful employment. Others may well head back home to find local city squares’ receptions to the idea of tents and bullhorns a bit frostier than the university quads. So, the protests could very possibly dwindle considerably.

The fact that one presidential contender is currently spending most days sitting at a New York City courtroom defense table is certainly providing fodder for the Fourth Estate. As is the ongoing debate as to whether or not the other candidate is, shall we say, showing signs of advancing senility.

All of which makes me think we should drop in again on our friendly political puppet masters who regularly lunch together in the darkened corner of an upscale Washington, D.C., watering hole. Let’s see what our handsomely-paid operatives are up to as they prepare to do ballot-box battle in the coming months.

REP: Where have you been? I thought perhaps you weren’t coming.

DEM: Sorry. I was just down at the Courthouse. There’s a terrific show going on. You should check it out.

REP: No thanks. I’m sure I’ll hear all about it on NPR tonight.

DEM: I didn’t realize you were such a National Public Radio fan.

REP: Hardly. I was being facetious. I don’t need to listen to you AND NPR. It’s redundant.

DEM: But they’re independent journalists.

REP: Yeah, and Joe Biden subscribes to the National Enquirer.

DEM: Well, you won’t be happy to know the Trump trial is still going full steam.

REP: Actually, I am glad about that. Every time there’s another indictment, his support goes up.

DEM: Yeah, I’ve noticed that.

REP: You might want to dial down the rhetoric a bit.

DEM: Are you kidding? It’s just too much fun seeing that patented glare from your guy. He always looks like someone just took away his burger and fries.

REP: Hey, at least my guy can glare. Your guy looks like a deer in headlights every time he gets in front of a podium.

DEM: We’re working on presentation.

REP: Are you working on all those lies he’s been telling AGAIN lately. First one in his family to go to college, getting arrested trying to see Nelson Mandela, lamenting his cannibalized uncle, and Bidenomics is working.

DEM: There may have been some slight exaggerations, I’ll admit. But do you seriously want to go mano-a-mano with me about candidates who mislead?

REP: I think it would make for an interesting debate. And speaking of debates, did Joe really say “bring It on” the other day?

DEM: We’re working on that too. It’s a long way til November. And, frankly, we’re not sure a prison cafeteria is a good place to hold such an event.

REP: Oh, so you think Hunter is going to take Dad down with him, eh?

DEM: Funny.  No, I think it’s far more likely your guy will be wearing a colorful state-issued jumpsuit that matches his hair.

REP: (SIGH) What the heck are we doing?

DEM: I assume you’re referring to our less-than-substantive discussions of late about our respective standard-bearers.

REP: I mean, let’s face it. Both of them have engaged in questionable business practices. And both are well past the biblical “three score years and ten” that are the “days of our years.”

DEM: Look at you, quoting a Psalm.

REP: I have my moments.

DEM: Believe me, I know what you mean. But we do have a contingency plan in place if something major goes awry.

REP: Oh, please tell me it’s Kamala.

DEM: Good try. But not happenin’. What about your Plan B?

REP: There have been some alternatives quietly discussed should the situation arise.

DEM: Anybody I know?

REP: I plead the 5th.

DEM: Hey, you sound like your candidate.

REP: It’s gonna be an interesting six months.

DEM: Perhaps even historic.

REP: Or at least histrionic.

DEM: Well said.

©MMXXIV. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer