In just under a year, America will once again head to the polls to vote for a president. Which means it’s time to buckle up and prepare for the barrage of advertising that’s sure to hit the airwaves, social media, and our mailboxes. As of right now, the two main nominees for the White House look to be a repeat of the 2020 slate. Joe Biden and Donald Trump sit atop the polls for their respective parties. Another battle between those two would undoubtedly generate more donation dollars than any other race in history. Of course, half the money donated to Biden might well be because the givers want anybody but Trump. And half the cash donated to Trump might well be because the givers want anybody but Biden.
At this juncture, I thought we might want to drop in once again on our friendly professional political operatives, the campaign coordinators who regularly rendezvous in a darkened corner of a Washington, D.C. bistro. There, you’ll remember, they meet to take the pulse of each other, and we sometimes find out what’s going on behind the scenes in the seamy underbelly of elections. Here’s what might possibly be on their minds this far in advance of the November 2024 balloting.
DEMOCRAT: Have a seat, my friend.
REPUBLICAN: Don’t mind if I do.
DEM: So, tell me, is your boy in jail yet?
REP: Is yours?
DEM: Are you guys really going to stick with the orange-haired egomaniac?
REP: We might. Are you going to stick with the Dementia Dude?
DEM: We’re very proud of our President.
REP: Does he even know he lives in the White House?
DEM: Okay, enough with the pleasantries. We’ve got some serious work to do here.
REP: I wouldn’t argue with that. Do you have any suggestions on how we make things work for both of us with the hands we’ve been dealt?
DEM: Well, I’ve been thinking. You know it’s going to be very hard for anyone to wrestle the nomination away from The Donald. All he has to do is keep getting indicted, and his polling numbers go up.
REP: As a strategy, it’s definitely a phenomenon that’s working. And even if we wanted to, the momentum seems unstoppable.
DEM: Right. And we can’t exactly force Joe out unless we kind of admit that he just might have some cognitive issues.
DEM: Play nice now.
REP: So, what’s your plan?
DEM: We both focus on the vice-presidential picks. I mean, hey, your presumed candidate may already have one foot in a federal jail cell and ours is, shall we say, a truly “seasoned” citizen. I think we have to face the fact that whoever gets elected VP on either ticket stands a very good chance of sitting in the Oval Office sometime in the next four years.
REP: Could we bypass the system altogether and just elect the replacements now?
DEM: Believe me, we’ve thought about it.
REP: You guys aren’t seriously considering leaving Border Czar Kamala on the ticket, are you?
DEM: There have been some discussions that perhaps a more suitable candidate could be found for VP.
REP: PERHAPS? Not even Dan Quayle had a lower approval rating than she does.
DEM: A fact of which we are well aware. But Joe likes her.
REP: Well, of course he does. In comparison, she makes him look like the best and the brightest to ever hold the office.
DEM: Do you think you could get anybody to actually run on a ticket with Trump?
REP: We have a deep bench. I’m sure someone would be glad to step up to the plate.
DEM: And do what with their self-worth? Put it in hiding?
REP: Name a Veep that hasn’t been down that street before. Besides Dick Cheney.
DEM: Yeah, he was never shy about expressing his opinions.
REP: Let’s say Harris is a No-Go in 2024. Is Gavin Newsom your guy?
DEM: The Governor of California is a proven winner.
REP: Winner of what? Highest taxes? Most homeless? Biggest crime rate?
DEM: He’ll make sure the ticket wins his state.
REP: To paraphrase Nancy Pelosi, “A can of corn with a ‘D’ after its name could carry California.”
REP: Not in the least. We’ve got plenty of friends in Texas and Florida, which, by the way, is where all the fed-up Golden Staters are headed.
DEM: So, what do you think? Biden/Newsom vs. Trump/Haley or Trump/Christie or even Trump/Ramaswamy?
REP: Interesting possibilities all. I just think we need to plan for any eventuality. You know, eight Vice Presidents have unexpectedly ascended to the throne. We’ve got two front-runners with major issues going against them. Second fiddle might be a key part in the orchestra next year.
©MMXXIII. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer