Who’s excited that we’re just about to get into the thralls of a presidential election year? Hmmm. I don’t see many hands raised. It’s almost as if many of you would just like to skip all the falderol. Unfortunately, unless you have a well-stocked hideout at the ready, the political process madness is going to be unavoidable.

It never really goes away, though, does it? Indictments, impeachment inquiries, ploys to remove names from ballots, and other shenanigans are the rule rather than the exception in our republic today. And if those aren’t enough, in only a week or so, the fine folks in Iowa will begin their caucuses to officially kick off the election process.

Before the Hawkeyes huddle, though, I thought it would be fun to once again eavesdrop on our friendly politicos who frequent D.C. bistros at expense account luncheons to plot the future of the free world – at least, the LEADERS of the free world. As usual, we find our Democrat and Republican operatives breaking bread in a darkened booth. Here’s possibly what they might be talking about just prior to the Iowa caucuses.

REP: Did you have a good holiday?

DEM: I did. Stayed home with the family. You?

REP: Same here. But I did notice that your President chose to get out of Dodge.

DEM: He’s entitled to a break.

REP: Reports are he’s spent 40% of his term away from Washington.

DEM: And your point?

REP: Why would a career politician who dreamed for decades of living in the White House ever want to leave? Especially when he’s going to be evicted a year from now.

DEM: You seem pretty sure of that.

REP: I am. And a year is being generous. Mr. 39% Approval Rate does have a few issues.

DEM: So, you’re saying you’d like Kamala Harris to be President instead.

REP: Bite your tongue. But I am glad you brought up the subject of succession.

DEM: Vice President Harris is willing and able to take over the reins if it should come to that.

REP: You mean take over the reins like she did as Border Czar? Heaven help us.

DEM: I’ll admit that didn’t go as planned.

REP: Don’t kid a kidder. I saw that sly smile when you claimed she’s willing and able to be President.

DEM: She couldn’t be any worse than your main man at the moment.

REP: The Trumpster scares you, doesn’t he?

DEM: Sends a chill down my spine.

REP: Now you know how I feel about Kamala.

DEM: So, what do you propose we do in the midst of all this abject fear?

REP: President Haley has a nice ring to it.

DEM: You think she can beat The Donald?

REP: No, it just has a nice ring to it. And we’re thinking 2028. Trump’s going to clean your clock this year. Maybe Nikki takes the Veep spot for now. Then if a certain indicted individual were to be convicted, we’ve got a great back-up in place. Someone who can actually speak without creating word salads and doesn’t laugh inappropriately when she gets nervous.

DEM: Suppose we found a way to nominate another candidate?

REP: As long as it isn’t “Slicksmeister” Newsome from California or ANY member of The Squad, I’d say we’d have a fight on our hands. But how do you propose to deny Biden AND Harris?

DEM: Well . . . and I’m not saying this is going to happen . . .

REP: No, of course not.

DEM: We still have great faith in Joe.

REP: Your loyalty is admirable. Rather pitiful, but admirable.

DEM: I might say the same about your loyalty to your candidate.

REP: Touché.

DEM: But, if President Biden were to decide the best thing for the country is for him not to run again, you know, play the I’m-doing-this-for-America card, he could go out on a high note.

REP: Plausible. What about Harris?

DEM: That’s a little trickier. We’d probably have to find an impressive job and title for her.

REP: I hear Ringling Brothers has some openings.

DEM: Funny.

REP: President of Harvard?

DEM: I’m thinking more along the lines of World Bank President or UN Secretary General.

REP: Not a bad idea. Then who would be your nominee?

DEM: We’ve got a couple of Governors doing well.

REP: Such as?

DEM: Whitmer in Michigan, Shapiro in Pennsylvania, a few others.

REP: No Senators?

DEM: Would you run anybody from today’s Congress?

REP: I see your point. When might something happen?

DEM: I think we’re gonna have to see what goes on in Iowa.

REP: Oh, yeah, don’t remind me. I’m headed there this week. Way too cold. And New Hampshire’s worse. Why can’t the first caucuses and primaries be held in Florida? Or better yet, St. Croix. Biden seems to like it there.

DEM: Alas, for people like us, I think the Caribbean will have to wait til this time next year. After everything’s over perhaps we’ll meet on the beach.

REP: Deal! For now, Davenport, here we come!

©MMXXIV. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer