As a brand-new year dawns, thoughts of positivity are usually commonplace. That’s probably especially true after the last two revolutions around the Sun we’ve all been through. Who knew an unseen bug could cause so much havoc? A tyrannical dictator seeking world domination, yes. But a tiny little microbe? Sure, it’s happened before in history. The good ol’ Black Death that was the plague in the 1600s and the Spanish Flu outbreak a hundred years or so ago. But we’ve come a long way medically and public health-wise since then, haven’t we? (Apparently not so much.)
At any rate, here’s hoping bugs get squashed soon so We the People can reluctantly focus on something just about equally distasteful to many: Another Election Year. In a short eleven months, citizens will have the opportunity to go to the polls and select a slew of folks to represent them in the hallowed halls of state and federal government.
No doubt the head honchos of the Republican and Democratic Parties have been planning strategy for months already, probably since the conclusion of the 2020 election. With that in mind, I thought it might be interesting to head back to the dark corner of a popular Washington, D.C. bistro we’ve visited before and eavesdrop on a couple of party bigwigs enjoying a New Year’s luncheon. As we join REP and DEM, they’ve taken their seats and the waiter has already deposited the first two libations on the table.
REP (raising a glass): Happy New Year, big spender!
DEM (joining in the toast): Happy New Year, Trumpeter!
REP: Okay now, I thought we weren’t going there so quickly.
DEM: You’re right. My bad. Happy New Year, filibustering fool!
REP: Much better. We’ve worked hard to earn that moniker.
DEM: Yeah, well, enjoy it now. Once we push the right buttons for Joe Manchin, we’ll be unstoppable.
REP: You mean the new Republican Senator from West Virginia?
DEM: Not gonna happen.
REP: Stranger things have occurred in D.C., my friend.
DEM: Uh-huh. Speaking of strange things, I have a fun proposition for you.
REP: Sure. Shoot.
DEM: How about we trade thorns in our sides for a couple of months?
REP: Go on.
DEM: You try to control my New York irritant and I’ll attempt to manage your Georgia prickly pear, or peach as it were.
REP: Ha! Well, as interesting as that sounds, I don’t think either of us wants those headaches.
DEM: Yeah, but think of the fund-raising possibilities.
REP: I definitely like your thinking. But that may be going a bit too far.
DEM: So, how do you see the year playing out?
REP: Great for us. You guys keep handing us ammunition. There’s a crime wave nationwide, most prominently in cities run by your party faithful, you keep trying to spend us into oblivion, you don’t care about borders, inflation is rampant, you can’t get your act together about Covid, and the Chinese and Russians think we’re a joke . . . just to name a few. Oh, and Sleepy Joe continues to have lower poll ratings than Nigerian princes on the Internet. The only one with worse numbers is your Vice President.
DEM: We’re not worried.
REP: Well, you should be.
DEM: Nah. You know as well as I do voters have short memories. Once we get those Build Back Better Bucks in the hands of the people, we’re golden.
REP: Until the recipients have to start paying back all that borrowed money.
DEM: That’s tomorrow’s concern. And besides, we know we can always count on one of your folks to put foot in mouth.
REP: As Kamala does?
DEM: She’s not on the ballot this year. I’m thinking more about that big elephant in your tent.
REP: Trump’s not on the ballot either.
DEM: Don’t be too sure about that. Perhaps his name won’t be there, but he’s going to help us more than you know.
REP: Is that all you’ve got?
DEM: Oh, heck no. We’re very confident everything will be under control by November.
REP: Sounds as if you’re running for office yourself.
DEM: Me? No way. Much more profit in punditry, pontificating, and packaging politicos.
REP: I’ll drink to that.
DEM: I thought you would. So, here’s to the wonderful world of promises and fundraisers. May 2022 be a banner year for both.
REP: Cheers! By the way, your “Manchin’s My Man!” mask is very interesting.
DEM: Funny. The wording on yours looks very similar to mine.
REP: It’s gonna be an interesting year.
DEM: You got that right.
©MMXXII. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer