Quick question: What makes the world of politics roll merrily along? The short answer? Money, money, and more money. Both main political parties carry out the art of fund-raising perhaps better than any other entity on earth. Republicans and Democrats alike are constantly searching for ways to ignite their followers and open up pocketbooks. There’s nothing like a crisis – real or imagined – to get the bucks flowing and the coffers filled.

And since there never seems to be a dearth of pressing and passionate issues, it’s almost as if the powers-that-be that run their respective party’s work in tandem to fan the flames of discontent and foment revolt.

With that thought in mind, do you suppose a regularly scheduled tete-a-tete takes place between expensively dressed party bigwigs to put together a game plan to keep the checks coming in to both headquarters?

Picture, if you will, a corner booth in a trendy Georgetown restaurant, in the heart of Washington, D.C., way in the back, where it’s pretty dark. As the REP and the DEM party executives sip on an adult beverage or two, perhaps their discussion might go something like this these days:

REP: So whattaya think of the dottering dude from Delaware so far?

DEM: Finest Commander-in-Chief we’ve ever had in this nation.

REP: Okay, look, if we’re going to deal in fantasy, I’m leaving now.

DEM: Oh, right, sorry. Forgot my audience. I’m used to dealing with CNN and MSNBC. Honestly? So far, his foot has done a pretty good job of remaining away from his mouth.

REP: That’s ‘cause you won’t let him talk to anybody.

DEM: You noticed that, huh?

REP: Who hasn’t?

DEM: There’s a reason for that.

REP: Do ya think?

DEM: Actually, it’s not what you might assume.

REP: Okay, I’ll bite. What’s the reason Sleepy Joe’s on a short leash?

DEM: A certain former Oval Office occupant.

REP: #45?

DEM: Can you think of a President with a worse case of shoot-from-the-hip disease?

REP: Hmmm. I see your point. We did have a slight problem with loose lips.

DEM: Not to mention itchy Twitter fingers.

REP: At least my guy knew how to Tweet. Can Sleepy even work his phone?

DEM: No comment.

REP: Speaking of “no comment,” how’s Kamala coming along on fixing that border?

DEM: She went, she saw, she got out of town.

REP: So, her job is done?

DEM: Old news.

REP: Not to the border agents. But, let’s talk money.

DEM: My favorite subject.

REP: I need you to keep pushing that $3.5 trillion one-size-fits-all bill you’ve got going.

DEM: I thought you guys hated it.

REP: We do. As do our members. So, they’re willing to pony up big bucks to stop you.

DEM: I thought you might be hauling in the cash. We actually are too.

REP: Really?

DEM: Yep. When you define infrastructure as virtually every pet project any of our constituents have ever wanted, everybody wants to make sure that windfall comes through.

REP: Lots of roads, bridges, and water systems, I guess, eh?

DEM: And a few other items of interest. There may be a dollar or two earmarked for Green New Deal programs, or maybe big labor unions, or money to support our way of thinking in schools.

REP: Uh-huh. I kind of believe your pushing this “free” money idea to take America’s mind off crime, Cuba, and cities in flames.

DEM: Why, whatever do you mean?

REP: Don’t play the innocent with me.

DEM: You should be thanking me, you know.

REP: Thanking you? How so?

DEM: What fires up your base more than thinking we ignore problems and spend as much money as we possibly can for programs you can’t stand?

REP: Good point. And I guess you can thank us for the recent Voter ID laws.

DEM: Cash in the bank.

REP: To be honest, I just don’t see you guys having too many winning issues at the moment. Soaring murder rates, defunding the police, killing the filibuster you supported when it suited you, rising prices on milk, eggs, gas, and even wine. Even your Communist sympathizers like Bernie and the Squad are having a hard time giving props to Cuba.

DEM: Perhaps so. But we do have one thing that just keeps on giving and giving to balance all that out.

REP: What’s that?

DEM: Not what . . . who: Donald J. Trump. That’s all I have to say. Literally.

REP: Touche. But remember, he’s the best fundraiser on the planet.

DEM: Which is why dinner’s on you.


©MMXXI. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer