It’s been estimated that 80 million Americans traveled this week. That path over the river and through the woods must have been very heavily populated. Perhaps you were wrapped up tightly in a 4-door sleigh yourself on the way to grandmother’s house. Or maybe you were shoe-horned into an airplane seat with family members and a couple hundred of your new closest friends (and their germs).

As joyous as it is to spend memory-making time with loved ones, getting to and from your destination can definitely be less than ideal. The highways are jammed, the TSA lines interminably long, and even bus and train schedules a bit haywire during the mad rush to gather ’round the Thanksgiving feast.

What caught my eye while reading updates on transportation during the holidays was information that may have a bearing on future trips you might take. Most especially, those trips that require you to fly. As a native of Dayton, Ohio, I still think everyone who sets foot on a plane should have to salute the Wright Brothers. The basics of getting those big jets into the skies remain practically the same as they were for the original Flyer that Wilbur and Orville launched at Kitty Hawk in 1903.

The brothers didn’t have a choice of seats or cabin service back then. But today, apparently some airlines are contemplating offering ever more options to their passengers. You’ll probably recall there used to be just regular Coach and First Class. On most flights, the First Class passengers always boarded before anyone else and had a beverage of choice in their hands when the plebians headed toward the back. Those Coach passengers were allowed to enviously file by them with their rambunctious children and luggage too big to fit in the overhead bin or under the seat in front of them.

Well, evidently those days of just two classes are relics of the past. I may not have the new choices exactly right, but here’s an approximation of just what you get, depending on what you want to spend on future flights. As you read, bear in mind that the airlines make a lot more money on premium travelers.

Comfortable Shoe Class: This option is extremely economical and so-named because there really isn’t a seat for you anywhere on the plane. You’ll be standing most of the way, so it’s advisable to wear well-padded footwear. You are allowed to sit in another passenger’s seat when that passenger is visiting the bathroom, but don’t count on that happening more than once a trip. And no pretzels nor beverages are served to you. On the Titanic, this was similar to Steerage.

Fundamental Class: This option does allow you to claim a seat, but it’s first-come, first-served. Nothing is reserved. And only about three rows of seats in this class are available on any flight, and none of the seatbacks recline. Also forget fabric or leather. You sit on plastic. No pretzels, but you do get three ounces of warm soda.

Necessary Class: This is the area of seating that used to be called Regular Coach. Your seat is not plastic. If you’re height is under 5’9”, you’ll fit in the allotted space. It’ll be tight, but you’ll make it. If you’re taller than that, be prepared to have your knees pressed against your chest the entire flight. Pretzels and a full can of soda are included.

Supporting Class: Okay, this is the point at which airlines actually start making some money. The previous classes are pretty much just break-even fares. In these seats, you get approximately 2.5 more inches of legroom and a pledge (not a promise, mind you) that no one weighing over 225 pounds will sit next to you. Pretzels AND peanuts AND ice with your soft drink of choice are offered.

Vital Class: Basically, this would be Premium Coach. You’re still not into the big seats area yet, but there is room for you to take turns crossing your legs with the people seated in your row. You can’t all do it at once, but every 15 minutes or so it is nice to boost the circulation in your lower extremities. You can get an old situation comedy on your seatback screen in this class for a small fee, and you’re upgraded to real Coca-Cola from the store brand version.

Big Bucks Class: Here’s where the money is really made. The Premium travelers relax in the big leather seats with plenty of legroom and one-on-one service from the flight attendants. Pretzels, peanuts, cheese puffs, and special cookies are handed out like candy. And adult beverages flow freely.

All these seats should be available soon from your favorite airline. So, open your wallets or at least buy comfortable sneakers. Happy trails!

©MMXXIV. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer