We’re getting close, folks. In just a little over a week, America will speak. Although many voters have already been to the polls, a lot of the electorate still waits until the first Tuesday in November to cast their ballots. And none get officially counted before that day anyhow. So, for the final time this election season, let’s again drop in on our two Washington insiders, the guys who make the campaigns run. Maybe they can give us a clue as to how this whole thing will turn out.

Once again, the setting is a darkened bistro on an elegant street in Georgetown where the expense account crowd meets to eat. Lunch has been served and the professional politicos have already exchanged pleasantries.

REPUBLICAN: So, I hear Kamala is going to keep Joe in his Delaware basement for the rest of the campaign. Is she afraid he’ll come down with foot-in-mouth disease at a rally?

DEMOCRAT: The Vice President is more than capable of campaigning on her own. And if you haven’t noticed, President Biden isn’t on the ballot.

REP: Oh, I beg to differ on that. If Kamala were proud of the Administration, Joe would be glued to her side. Right now, it looks as if she wants no part of the last four years.

DEM: Well, I haven’t notice George Bush introducing The Donald anywhere, so perhaps we’re even. But, hey, on another topic, did I really see the Trumpster cooking and serving French fries at McDonalds?

REP: Yes, you did. And proudly too. Unlike Kamala, he now can say with certainty that he has worked at Mickey D’s.

DEM: How nice. He’ll need a job after he gets out of prison, and he can tell the parole board he’s already had some good training. By the way, while Trump was at McDonalds, the Vice President was in church.

REP: Preaching, as usual, to the choir in a nice, safe venue. I guess after her fiasco of an interview with Bret Baier on FOX she’s going to only appear on shows whose anchors wouldn’t know a curveball from a softball when it comes to questions.

DEM: We can’t help it she’s so well-loved by the media.

REP: Oh, hey, speaking of the media, I heard a rumor that all the pundits at MSNBC, CNN, ABC, NBC, and CBS, to name a few networks, are secretly going to vote for Donald Trump.

DEM: Why would they do that?

REP: Job security. If Trump gets elected, they have four more years of Bash-the-Donald ahead of them. If Kamala wins, whom are they going to attack?

DEM: Ha! Okay, even I have to laugh at that one.

REP: Speaking of attacking, did Walz ever figure out which end of his shotgun means business?

DEM: Does your knucklehead Vance still think Trump won in 2020?

REP: We’ll call that a draw.

DEM: Agreed.

REP: I noticed that your latest attack is to question Donald’s mental fitness for the presidency.

DEM: You know it. We’re very worried about his age and some of the things he says.

REP: Huh. Strange that didn’t worry you about Joe until July. I believe up until then there were many in your party who said he was running circles around his aides. Sounds a bit like grasping at straws there.

DEM: Whatever works, my friend, whatever works.

REP: Well, you got me there. Hey, you know what would really be fun this year?

DEM: Sure, I could use a little fun.

REP: The Yankees and the Dodgers are playing in the World Series, right?

DEM: Correct.

REP: Trump is from New York, and Harris is from California.

DEM: Correct again.

REP: What if we just let the winning team decide who gets the Oval Office? If the Yanks are victorious, Trump’s in. If L.A. prevails, Harris takes the oath of office in January.

DEM: You know, that’s not a bad idea.

REP: I know, right? Although, I’d hate for the balance of power to hinge on some umpire incorrectly calling third strike that was obviously outside.

DEM: That’s true. Also, we’d be leaving the entire outcome up to a bunch of ball-playing millionaires, who probably don’t reflect the populace as a whole.

REP: Well, shoot. It was fun while it lasted.

DEM: Oh, and you might have left out the most important part.

REP: What’s that?

DEM: The parties wouldn’t need us anymore if we left an election up to baseball.

REP: I hadn’t thought of that.

DEM: Who’s gonna pay for our lunches, expensive suits, and big cars if we change the status quo?

REP: Forget I even mentioned it.

DEM: My lips are sealed. See you on November 6th.

©MMXXIV. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer