Time once again to eavesdrop on a luncheon tete-a-tete with two furtive political operatives. A high-ranking representative from the Republican party is meeting a high-ranking representative from the Democratic party. From time to time, they like to get together and kind of compare notes while gently jabbing each other with the ups and downs of the candidates they try to elect so they can continue to eat well on expense accounts. After all, THEY’RE not running for office.
We find the two in their regular booth in the back corner of a dimly lit Washington, D.C. eatery. As we join the scene, the Dem rep is a bit late in arriving.
REP: Well, nice of you to show. Where were you? Over at the White House trying to prop up the poll numbers?
DEM: No, no, just checking on the TV ratings for the January 6th hearings.
REP: Are those still going on?
DEM: Ha! As if they aren’t front page news every day.
REP: Dream on. I’m pretty sure if you guys interrupt Days of Our Lives one more time with that bluster YOU’RE going to have a riot on your hands.
DEM: Sometimes you have to pay a price to get at the truth.
REP: Uh-huh. Well, I do have to hand it to you. Your timing is impeccable. Since it’s obvious your candidates can’t win on YOUR president’s pitiful record in office, you go after OURS. And then intend to release your “bi-partisan” report, which I’m sure you’ve already written, just before the mid-term elections.
DEM: You’re just jealous because you didn’t think of it.
REP: I told you I’m impressed.
DEM: It IS a pretty good strategy if I do say so myself. And since it’s just the two of us here, let me hand out an accolade to you.
REP: Oh, by all means. Do tell.
DEM: Those stickers on the gas pumps? You know, the ones that feature President Biden’s picture pointing a finger at the price per gallon with the caption “I did that?” Brilliant.
REP: I guess we both have our moments.
DEM: You take your victories where you can get them.
REP: Speaking of victories, you runnin’ Joe in ’24?
DEM: Depends on what the Unions tell us to do.
REP: So, it’s true? Elon Musk was right? The UAW is running the show at the White House?
DEM: Nah. I just wanted to see your reaction.
REP: I don’t know. It seems to me the federal government functions like a Union. You can’t fire anybody. Surely Kamala Harris wouldn’t have a job anymore if you could.
DEM: Are you speaking of the finest vice president this country has ever had?
REP: Careful now, don’t choke on your appetizer there.
DEM: Yeah, it was kind of hard to swallow that
REP: I don’t doubt it.
DEM: But if you want to talk about things that are hard to swallow, is The Donald up for another run at Pennsylvania Avenue?
REP: Not sure. I guess it kind of depends on what your January 6th kangaroo court decides.
DEM: Oh, he’s guilty. No doubt about that.
REP: Yeah, well, that’s what your report might say, but will the 75 million folks who voted for #45 buy what you’re selling?
DEM: Let’s say they do and Trump’s out. What’s your Plan B?
REP: We’ve got a pretty deep bench. DeSantis, Abbott, Nikki Haley, Kristie Noem. And don’t forget Sarah Palin may well be the new Congressperson from Alaska.
DEM: Oh, please, please give us Palin. That would be so much fun.
REP: What about your side? Let’s just say somebody finally convinces Sleepy Joe he really doesn’t know what day it is. I’m guessing Hillary isn’t your fallback choice. Is there anybody else under the age of 80 in a leadership position in your party?
DEM: That’s called experience.
REP: That’s called borderline senility.
DEM: We’re not worried. We’ve got Bernie, of course.
REP: Wait. I said UNDER 80.
DEM: Okay. There’s Elizabeth Warren, Amy Klobuchar, of course our wonderful Vice President Harris, Pete Buttigieg, oh, and Gavin Newsom.
REP: The California Governor? Are you kidding me? People and companies are fleeing his state faster than Congress prints money.
DEM: He looks presidential.
REP: In a “Have-I-Got-A-Deal-For-You” slick-haired salesman kind of way.
DEM: Whatever works.
REP: Yeah, well, we’ll see what happens after November this year. Biden can’t right the ship of state now with everybody on your side. What happens when he’s a lame duck and Congress is stacked against him?
DEM: That’s easy. We blame you guys for everything.
And so it goes.
©MMXXII. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer