Perhaps you’ll remember that during the Capitol Hill melee back in January, some nefarious soul managed to make off with Speaker of House Nancy Pelosi’s laptop computer. Up until now, it hasn’t surfaced. But there was news this week that a woman in Alaska might be the keeper of the keyboard and possibly trying to sell it to Russians. (As you may recall, you can see Russia from Alaska.)

A raid by the FBI on the purported purloiner failed to produce the computer, but it did create questions among some as to what in the world could be on that hard drive that would make it valuable to Putin and his posse. I don’t believe Speakers have access to the nuclear codes that might launch rather destructive missiles anywhere in the world. So that’s probably not it. And only certain former Cabinet officials tend to have their own personal servers that bypass government computers, so national secrets probably wouldn’t be filed simply under “Documents.”

Could there be personally damaging information with which Moscow could blackmail Ms. Pelosi? It wouldn’t be hard to conjure up some thoughts, ideas, drafts of letters, and emails, etc. that perhaps the Speaker would prefer remained for her eyes only. For example, surely there’s a file labeled “The Squad,” in reference to the, shall we say, somewhat left-of-center group of Congresspersons who don’t believe Capitalism is best for American society as a whole.

There doesn’t seem to be any love lost between the Speaker and members such as Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, Cori Bush, Ilhan Omar, and Ayanna Pressley. Notes she might have kept on actions and statements made by any or all of the above could well be less than flattering and embarrassing should they ever see the light of day.

Do you suppose there’s an icon labeled, “Mad Maxine?” Ms. Pelosi and Congresswoman Waters have been together in the House since 1991 (Nancy actually first was elected in 1987), so they’ve had ample time to get to know each other . . . and cover each other’s back. But if the Speaker was willing to dismiss Waters’ recent “stay confrontational” remarks in Minneapolis as much ado about nothing, what do you suppose she’s kept in a password-protected file on her laptop that “Auntie Maxine” has said or done?

In a nod to her sense of humor, there may be a rather large document that says “Clowns,” indicating what she may think of the Republicans as a whole. She comes by her cynicism honestly. Ms. Pelosi was born Nancy D’Alesandro, daughter of Baltimore’s Democratic Mayor from 1947-1959. There have long been unsubstantiated allegations that Thomas D’Alesandro may have had a few connections with less-than-desirable citizens in Maryland. There may well have been a few GOP members back then who were not enamored with how Mr. D’Alesandro ran the city nor with the company he may have kept.

You don’t suppose Nancy’s a secret game player and doesn’t want her hobby revealed, do you? Is she into Minecraft? Tetris? (Hey, who doesn’t enjoy matching tiles?) Grand Theft Auto? Right now, with the House in the hands of the Ds, the Speaker does seem to like to move things like spending bills rather rapidly through her Chamber. Maybe she delights in the action and adventures of a video adventure too.

Do you suppose she gets into Wii sports in her office? It’s a pretty big space, so I hear. That would allow for plenty of room to hit an overhand tennis smash or throw a left hook onto the jaw of an opponent. In all honesty, though, I think I see Super Mario Bros. or even Pokemon as more likely.

She may keep a little dirt on Vice President Harris. Before Kamala came along, Nancy was the top female in the country. Politicians don’t generally like to move even a tiny bit out of the spotlight.

It would definitely be interesting to see what might be contained in files labeled “Chuck Schumer,” “Mitch McConnell,” and “That Other Legislative Branch.” Senators are not always welcomed with open arms on the House side of things.

There’s no doubt in order to achieve her success, Ms. Pelosi has been one smart cookie. So, despite speculation, in reality there’s probably very little info on her laptop that would do her damage. Or we would have heard something by now. Unless the thieves are too inept to break her password. (My guess would be, “My House, My Rules.”) Actually, what the Russians might really be after is Pelosi’s Covid mask supplier. I think they’re jealous. She seemingly has a new color-coordinated one every day. And all the Russkies have are ones that say, “Ukraine is ours.”


©MMXXI. William J Lewis, III – Freelance Writer