With roughly two months already in the history books, Joe Biden has put off a formal press conference and a State of the Union address longer than any recent White House resident. Most presidents crave all the attention a microphone to the world gives them, but for some reason, #46 hasn’t taken the plunge yet.

Supporters might say he’s got a lot on his plate and needs to concentrate on the Covid vaccination roll-out, kids at the border, jobs, etc. Detractors, on the other hand, say he has no idea what he’s doing and doesn’t want to look like a doddering old man trying desperately to answer questions to which he doesn’t know the answers.

Who knows which, if either, description is accurate? Chances are the truth lies somewhere on the continuum between the polar opposite opinions. There are definitely more than a few items that require the attention of the President right now. But he is 78 years old, and as anyone eligible for Social Security will tell you, there do tend to be some moments of “what did I come in this room for?” that occasionally happen.

Obviously, no one individual, not even a President, can have all the answers. That’s why a plethora of aides populate the West Wing. Their job is to craft just the right words for Mr. Biden to say whenever he faces the American public. Not that he’s bound by anything they write (his predecessor tended to go off script occasionally), but no doubt there are some interesting back-and-forth discussions taking place every day right now.

For example:

AIDE 1: Okay, we’ve got a crisis on our hands along the Mexican border.

AIDE 2: It’s NOT a crisis. It’s a challenge.

AIDE 1: Have you seen the pictures? It’s a crisis. And who authorized those “Biden please let us in!” shirts?

AIDE 2: That makes it even more of a challenge.

AIDE 1: Look, the American people aren’t stupid. At least most of them aren’t.

AIDE 2: How about we call it a “big problem”?

AIDE 1: Hmmm. Definitely accurate. Not as ruthless sounding. I can live with that. What about the cages the kids are in?

AIDE 2: Detention facilities.

AIDE 1: Oh, right, right.

AIDE 3: Here’s a thought: Let’s just say it’s all Trump’s fault and that we’re the ones having to fix it.

AIDE 2: Perfect.

AIDE 1: Works for me. What’s next?

AIDE 2: Infrastructure bill. We want another couple of trillion for that.

AIDE 3: Are those like shovel-ready projects?

AIDE 1: No. No. No. No. Don’t ever call them that. Obama got $800 billion for shovel-ready projects that pretty much never got started.

AIDE 3: So how do we get Congress to pass it?

AIDE 2: No worries. This one will definitely get bi-partisan support. Surely there’s a bridge that needs to be built in Kentucky for Mitch McConnel, right? And battleground states definitely need lots of highway work.

AIDE 3: You guys have done this before.

AIDE 1: Maybe. And if we need to get rid of that pesky filibuster thing, we do that again too. Make a note, though. Keep Kamala in town for any necessary tie-breaking. Okay, so how do we handle the Cuomo and Newsom gubernatorial battles?

AIDE 2: We don’t. What do we care if they get kicked out? They both have Democrat Lieutenant Governors to take over. And get this: Both LGs are women! Talk about a win-win.

AIDE 3: What about the tax hike?

AIDE 1 and 2: SHHHHHH! Jeez, don’t say that out loud. Someone might hear you.

AIDE 3: Oh, sorry. Does that mean there won’t be one?

AIDE 1: No, of course not. Gotta pay for all this spending somehow. But we’re certainly not going to say tax hike.

AIDE 2: “Closing loopholes” is always good. And don’t forget “taxing the wealthy”.

AIDE 3: How about “fair share”?

AIDE 1: Now you’re getting it.

AIDE 2: I think the only thing we’re really missing is the unity bit.

AIDE 3: The President did talk a lot about that in his Inaugural Speech.

AIDE 2: Yeah, I know. I helped write it. Sounded good, didn’t it?

AIDE 1: Maybe we just need an overall theme for everything. Like what you said earlier.

AIDE 3: What was that?

AIDE 1: “It’s all Trump’s fault.” What’s The Donald gonna do, come back at us on Twitter?

AIDE 2: Ha! Good one. I doubt if the President will want to go that far, but it IS fun to think about, isn’t it?

AIDE 1: Yeah, well, I can dream.

And so it goes. Maybe.

 

©MMXXI. William J. Lewis, III –Freelance Writer