As I take keyboard in hand today, members of the U.S. House of Representatives are “chatting” about the proposed $1.9 trillion Covid-19 bill. In a shocking early development, there seem to be some discrepancies between how Republicans view the bill and how Democrats look at it. For one thing, the Ds are referring to the latest spending proposition as a “relief package,” while Rs prefer calling it the alliterative “Pelosi’s Payoff to Progressives Act.”

Whatever it’s called, the bill is reportedly 591 pages long. Most people these days wouldn’t read their own autobiography if it were that long, let alone a document filled no doubt largely with lawyerly discourse and polysyllabic government-speak vernacular. So, the first question I have is, has any elected official actually plodded through the whole thing?

Obviously, someone (or several someones) had to put his/her wants, wishes, and needs on paper. It’s thus probably fair to say that the entire bill has been read, at least in bits and pieces. And it’s those bits and pieces that seem to be causing consternation with the current minority party.

For example, there apparently is $100 million in the coronavirus stimulus bill for an underground rail project in Silicon Valley. It reportedly comes up as part of a provision in the House Transportation Committee’s section of the bill. Opponents believe that while the wording refers to “all projects” under such and such section of Public Law, there’s really only one that fits the guidelines. I think I might have a broader question: Why is there a Transportation Committee section of the Covid-19 relief bill to begin with? (By the way, the project hasn’t even started yet, so it’s not as if people are going to use the rail to go get their shots.)

Other reports indicate there are a couple dozen more transportation projects that would get a billion bucks or so, including an addition to the metro rail system around Washington, D.C. (which, coincidentally, just might benefit a lot of elected officials).

Of course, one big part of the bill is $1,400 stimulus checks being sent to families. There doesn’t seem to be huge opposition to that as long as the money doesn’t find its way into wealthier Americans’ bank accounts. Although, concern has been raised about the potential for undocumented immigrants receiving those monies.

There’s more opposition to allowing coronavirus cash to go to colleges and universities that have partnerships with Chinese-controlled companies or to passing out $50 million in Benjamins to environmental justice grant programs. (Honestly, I don’t really know what that would be. See earlier comment on government-speak.) And apparently Planned Parenthood is in line to receive Paycheck Protection Program funds originally designed to keep small businesses afloat. That would definitely raise a bit of a red flag with some in the minority party. And then there’s the $270 million in Arts and Humanities endowments. (Is that possibly to provide entertainment to us as we get our shots?)

If those are some of the particulars somewhat surreptitiously included in the bill, you have to wonder if there aren’t more dollars being earmarked for special interests. Will closer examination find bridges to nowhere like the historic Gravina Island span that cost $28 million to connect Ketchikan, Alaska, with said island so that its 50 residents wouldn’t have to take a ferry? (On a related note, there IS a $1.5 million bridge to Canada from upstate New York in the bill.)

Do you remember the Teapot Museum of Craft and Design, built for $500,000 of your money in Sparta, North Carolina? (Forget about visiting. Its doors closed in 2010.) Or the 20-year, $14 billion Big Dig in Boston to relocate an above-ground highway to underground. Or the $3.4 million Turtle Tunnel under Highway 27 in Tallahassee for wildlife to safely pass through. And the $15,000 given to Florida Atlantic University to study how alcohol affects a mouse’s motor function. In other words, what happens when mice get drunk? (My guess? They don’t do well in a maze.)

You don’t suppose Green advocate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has funds in there to put a large windmill on top of her New York apartment building, do you? Given the history of earmarks, that doesn’t seem so far-fetched.

The squeezing of dollars for pet projects is certainly not unique to any given majority in Congress. Both parties are guilty when it’s their turn to hold the purse strings. But using the words of Joe Biden, “C’mon, man,” let’s take care of returning to normalcy first, okay? There’s plenty of time for pork after Covid-19 is history.

 

©MMXI. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer