Perhaps there is actually one good thing about Covid-19 this year. If families followed the CDC guidelines, they didn’t gather in large groups over Thanksgiving, thereby lessening the chance that fisticuffs or worse would ensue in America’s dining rooms over the results of the 2020 election on the day we’re supposed to be thankful, eat ourselves silly, and enjoy each other. With the country so evenly split (and the divide wider than the Grand Canyon), there were bound to be acrimonious disputes between winners and losers, left and right, young and old. Grandma’s sweet potato soufflé really doesn’t taste nearly as good when accompanied by severe heartburn brought on by rancorous debate at the grown-ups’ table.
You can just imagine how some of the conversations might have gone.
HOSTESS: Uncle Bob, would you please take off that MAGA hat at the table?
UNCLE BOB: Why? It’s a free country. At least, it is right now.
HOSTESS: Humor me.
UNCLE BOB: I’ll take it off if Emily quits telling me how to pronounce “Kamella” Harris.
COUSIN EMILY: It’s “Comma-la,” Uncle Bob.
UNCLE BOB: Yeah, whatever.
HOST: I heard Joe Biden chose some of his Cabinet members.
AUNT MARSHA: Well, that should be interesting. Who’d he pick, Stalin, Lenin, and Karl Marx?
COUSIN FRED: I didn’t know a couple of the people. But they have good experience. And John Kerry is going to be an advisor.
UNCLE BOB: Loser.
GRANDMA: Would someone be kind enough to pass the mashed potatoes, please?
COUSIN EMILY: Grandma, what do you think about all this?
GRANDMA: Hey, I lived through Richard Nixon AND Jimmy Carter. Nothing surprises me.
COUSIN FRED: I heard Biden might choose Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders to be part of his team.
AUNT MARSHA: Goes right along with my previous picks.
GRANDMA: This gravy certainly is good.
UNCLE BOB: That gravy is about as watery as Biden’s plans. You know that New Green Deal means we can’t fly on airplanes anymore.
COUSIN EMILY: No, it doesn’t.
UNCLE BOB: Well, I don’t want some giant windmill in my backyard.
HOSTESS: Is there anything you DO like about President-elect Biden, Bob?
UNCLE BOB: First of all, he’s not president-elect yet. Nothing’s official. And second, yes, there is something I like.
HOST: Really? What’s that?
UNCLE BOB: He’ll definitely be a one-term president. Or less. By the way, what no-work-fat-paycheck job is Joe’s son, Hunter, going to get?
COUSIN EMILY: You mean like Ivanka and Eric and Don, Jr. have?
UNCLE BOB: All of whom work for free.
GRANDMA: This dressing is really very tasty.
COUSIN FRED: So, what do you think Trump will do after he leaves office? Ruin the Republican party more than he already has?
AUNT MARSHA: Bob, put down the dinner roll. Don’t throw it at Fred.
UNCLE BOB: He started to throw one at me when I mentioned Hunter.
GRANDMA: I can’t wait for the pecan pie.
At least, it COULD have gone that way. But hopefully everyone was civil at each Thanksgiving table. Or only like-minded family members and friends were invited.
Not to make any other red-blooded Americans jealous, but of course, here in Georgia, we have the extra-inning part of the political game going on right now. That’s just been grins and giggles from the get-go. Two senate seats up for grabs. Winner take all . . . literally. Control of Congress hangs in the balance. I’m guessing that in many Peach State homes, the Trump-Biden conversation took a back seat to what’s on our political plates now. We the determinators are very, very popular people. The post office delivers more political flyers than Super Sale circulars as it is. And it’s a safe bet we’ll all receive way more solicitations from candidates than Christmas cards this year.
No matter how the tete-a-tetes went around your house, I hope you took a moment to give thanks for the fact that we live in a country where we can actually harangue each other and still watch a football game together afterwards.
And regardless of the conversations, you undoubtedly had some good eats. Can’t complain about that. Which means your day probably went better than that of a niece of mine. She had her wisdom teeth removed on Tuesday. Pureed turkey and stuffing didn’t sound all that appealing to her, so I think she settled on chocolate milkshakes for the day. I told her that didn’t seem like such a bad deal to me. And her mouth was too sore for her to argue about anything. Pretty much a win-win situation in 2020, I’d say.
©MMXX. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer