The pubic images that the heads of the Republican National Committee and the Democratic National Committee put forth in the media are those of bitter enemies and antagonists. Their jobs, of course, consist of furthering the careers of politicians aligned with their respective parties. So, they have to root, root, root for the home team. Ronald Reagan once said the 11th Commandment was, “Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican.” And I have no doubt a famous Democrat somewhere sometime said pretty much the same thing about his or her party faithful.

It’s undoubtedly fair to say, given the slates of today’s candidates on both sides of the aisle up and down the ballot, the heads of the RNC and DNC probably often have to grit their teeth when touting the virtues of their respective nominated office-seekers. There are, shall we say, fringe elements in both parties that R and D Chairpersons probably would prefer be seen and not heard, or not be seen at all.

It has to get more than a little exasperating at those times when the party line isn’t toed. I can imagine lots of head-in-hands moments followed by damage control orders being given by both. Do you suppose the chairs of those national committees ever secretly get together and compare notes, lament their respective thorns in the side, vent their frustrations, and maybe even offer to swap troublesome players much as a sports team might?

I’m thinking such a conversation this year may possibly go like this:

RNC: Agghhhh! If he’d just stop Tweeting my life would be so much simpler.

DNC: At least yours is saying something. Mine seems to enjoy sitting in his basement all day. Somebody told me he doesn’t want to miss his favorite soap opera.

RNC: Sometimes I think we LIVE in a soap opera.

DNC: Nah. Not even the soap writers could come up with half the storylines we have to take care of.

RNC: Speaking of which, you’ve seen the QAnon candidate I’m dealing with, right?

DNC: Hey, I’ll trade you AOC straight up for her right now. Shoot, I’ve got an entire Squad you can have.

RNC: Hmmm. Will you take Kasich off my hands, too?

DNC: If I have to.

RNC: Tempting. But I guess I’ll pass. Better the devil that you know.

DNC: That’s the trouble. We don’t know them. They keep surprising us. It’s as if they get up every morning and concoct the most outlandish thing possible to say.

RNC: Tell me about it. Just stick to the script. And it doesn’t have to be big things. I must have sent out a thousand memos:  Wear a mask! Wear a mask! Is that not clear enough?

DNC: Crystal. At least you don’t have to deal with haircut hooplas.

RNC: I gotta admit. That was kinda funny. You guys even lost CNN and the NY Times for about five minutes on that one. She must have had some serious root issues.

DNC: Okay, okay. At least her hair isn’t orange.

RNC: Hey, whose turn is it to have a Senator develop foot-in-mouth disease?

DNC: I think it may be yours. But I can check. It’s not as if any of them need our help in that department.

RNC: Too true. Fundraising going okay?

DNC: Yeah, not bad. We could use another RussiaGate to happen right about now.

RNC: I agree. Where are those guys when you really need them? Nothing fires up the bases like a Congressional hearing. Anybody on your side plan on investigating anything?

DNC: Not that I know of. But, like you, I have little control over my minions.

RNC: Tell me about it. I think if you Google “Herding Cats” you get a picture of a thousand politicians running in two thousand different directions.

DNC: Sounds about right. Hey, speaking of money, how about you? I heard you guys were hurting a bit. What are you gonna do?

RNC: Well, glad you asked. The polls say I’ve got to ramp things up a little more. So, tomorrow I’m going to have to call you and your party Fascists instead of just Socialists.

DNC: That’s okay. We anticipated it. Already got signs printed saying the RNC is run by Nazis.

RNC: I appreciate the heads up. Guess we’d better call it a day. Surely there’s a fire that needs putting out somewhere.

DNC: We should get honorary membership in the Firefighter’s Union.

RNC: Hey, it’s a living.

DNC: Right.

RNC: I’ll see you on November 4th. Loser buys dinner?

DNC: Deal.


©MMXX. William J. Lewis, III