As most of us are mainly sitting at home trying to make the best of the unknown, a few random thoughts on the virus and its consequences have traversed my brain.

For example: Would buying stock in Total Wine be a good investment about now? In nine months do you suppose we’ll experience a significant uptick in childbirths? Will divorce courts soon have full dockets?

And if we thought Russia knew how to meddle in our elections . . . wow, China wins that game hands down.

With the postponement of basketball and baseball games, soccer and tennis matches, golf and racing events, et al, will one three-week period in October be filled with nothing but championship contests for every sport? Will, for example, the NBA Finals compete with the World Series? Will the Masters’ tournament be played the same time as Wimbledon? Will NASCAR have a race daily? Will MLS soccer take over Monday Night Football? And will hockey play-offs interfere with college football? If all that happens, I know a lot of people who will be taking vacation days accrued now to watch everything. The grocery store shelves may well run out of toilet paper again in the fall should that plethora of programming become the sporting schedule.

Despite the obvious downsides to the current situation, such as no money, rationed TP, nothing on TV, and having to actually spend time with certain family members, as usual, there are some who have found a bit of humor in all the falderol. A friend of mine from Florida posted this on his Facebook page: “Now that we have everyone washing their hands correctly, next month we’ll tackle the use of turn signals.”

From various and sundry sources come these bon mots:

“It’s not ‘social distancing,’ it’s ‘taking an oath of solitude.’”

The Peloton exercise machine company took a lot of heat for some of its holiday commercials that were perceived as sexist. That led one wag to opine, “I bet a lot of wives wish their husbands had bought them a stationary bike for Christmas now.”

Things could always be worse according to this social media post: “A moment of silence, please, for the people who agreed to live with ‘less than desirable’ roommates because they ‘wouldn’t be spending much time at home anyway.’”

Given the closeness imposed on families of late, when the Covid-19 virus has run its course, I’m guessing some employees will be begging employers to let them work at the office late every night. “Don’t send me home again. Please, anywhere but there. Can’t I go to Topeka or Fond du Lac for a meeting or something – for a month?”

Somebody said they felt as if they were in the middle of a Stephen King novel. There does seem to be a certain sci-fi element to the outbreak, doesn’t there?

Celebrities, of course, have felt it necessary to weigh in on the struggles, letting everyone know we’re all in this together. “Yeah, right,” said one of the masses, noting it has to be really tough to be quarantined in your 30-room mansion with a personal theater, Olympic pool, and 50-acre yard for the next month. “How will you ever stand the boredom?”

One pundit borrowed quite liberally (well, basically word-for-word) from the popular Grinch movie from a few years ago when posting this perfect shelter-in-place schedule:

4:00 – Wallow in self-pity
4:30 – Stare into the abyss
5:00 – Solve world hunger (tell no one)
5:30 – Jazzercise
6:30 – Dinner with me (I can’t cancel that again)
7:00 – Wrestle with my self-loathing

On another note, as an astute observer opined, “Has anyone else noticed that the anti-vaccine proponents have been strangely quiet lately?”

You know, there are some positive aspects to the pandemic pandemonium. Gas prices are the lowest they’ve been in pretty much forever. Some stay-at-homers are actually using their extra time to read, either to their children or for actual fun. Dogs have gotten more walks in the last fortnight than they got all last year. Children are learning that Mom/Dad can actually cook and not every meal comes out of a can or cardboard box. And, perhaps best of all, good Samaritans are popping up all over, helping less fortunate neighbors deal with the crisis.

Through it all, We the People will persevere. We’re a resilient bunch of folks. For now, just stock up on the ice cream and chips. Which leads me to one of my favorite suggestions I saw: “Can we all just agree to gain 15 pounds?” Works for me.


©MMXX. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer