The latest Democratic free-for-all was almost a mirror image of what the Republicans did in 2016. There was a modicum of debating and a whole lot of “nanny-nanny-boo-booing” going on. One thing that was a total waste of time was everyone telling the waiting public how much they wanted Donald Trump impeached. Hardly news. And the viewpoints were pretty much exactly the same. Nobody was taking a “wait-and-see” approach.
I’m thinking all the candidates could have put that fifteen or twenty minutes to good use by giving us their opinions on something near and dear to almost all Americans’ hearts at this time of year. To wit: “What’s your favorite Halloween treat”?
Surely there must be some discrepancy between the presidential hopefuls as to which morsel of sugar captures their respective taste buds. Besides chocolate are there chewing gum devotees, jellybean aficionados, licorice lovers, or something else non-cacao based? Maybe a good brouhaha would have erupted.
Perhaps Joe Biden would have replied, “I’m a salt-water taffy kind of guy.” But other contenders have tried to paint the former vice-president as a bit of a space cadet, maybe prompting Elizabeth Warren to say, “Well, Joe, given your recent lapses in reality, I’d think a Milky Way would suit you better.” To which Mr. Biden may have rebutted, “Oh, really, Elizabeth? And I suppose your favorite is candy corn, paying homage to your Indian heritage.”
Bernie Sanders may have said, “My favorite is M&Ms ’cause you can share them with everyone. But I can’t eat them anymore after my heart attack. My doctor says I have to stick with carrots for dessert.”
No doubt someone would have mentioned Reese’s Cup as his/her choice, if for no other reason than a recent poll apparently found it to be America’s favorite Trick-or-Treat treasure. Surely no politician is going to let that kind of opportunity to side with the masses go by the wayside.
You know, it probably would be interesting to see just what each candidate gives out to costumed ghosts and goblins. I’m guessing it’s a variety, so as not to offend anyone. I had a dentist friend who was always timid about his options for Trick or Treat. He said if he gave out candy, people might think he was looking for business by blatantly promoting cavities in kids. If he handed out toothbrushes, no kids would ever come to his door.
You know, in California, I believe every treat has to be organic. No GMO allowed. Kale lollipops are big. And costume possibilities are limited because of political correctness. No cowboys or Indians. No Disney princesses. No bums. Firefighters are okay, but no cops. Trump masks have been banned. The kids don’t find them scary, but many parents are too frightened to open their doors. Cross-dressing is okay, and actually encouraged in San Francisco. In states with large LGBT communities, it’s a good bet Skittles, with their rainbow colors, are considered the number one candy. And cinnamon-flavored Hot Tamales for some reason are very popular in Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico.
Chocolate, however, remains king of the hill. Not too many kids are going to turn up their noses at a Snickers bar being dropped into their bag of goodies. Although, today’s kids really don’t know what they’re missing. When I was a boy (I seem to be using that phrase a lot more than I used to), fun-size candy bars had not been invented. Only the full-size bars were given out. Those were worth at least six of those little bite-size nuggets popular today.
Not only that, but there always seemed to be one homeowner in the T or T-footprint who gave out homemade donuts. I mean fresh-from-the-fryer, sugar-coated, melt-in-your-mouth delicious dollops of dough. Anybody trying to hand those out now would probably be arrested for reckless child endangerment.
Now, I know what some of the more cynical among you are thinking. “I bet the White House is giving out donuts. It’s an impeachable offense, you know.” Others, with a more favorable view of the current occupant, though, may wonder if The Donald and Melania are handing out cash. (There actually was one person near my neighborhood who did that for a couple of years. It was worth the walk.)
Regardless of favorite candies or who hands out what, one thing is for certain – Halloween gives all of us a chance to forget about absolutely everything going on in the world and concentrate on what we can liberate from our kids’ or grandkids’ Trick or Treat haul. (Any dark chocolate is mine.) That’s my kind of holiday.
©MMXIX. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer