You are not going to believe this. Angelina Jolie is cutting all but one of her kids out of her will. Not only that, but both Jennifer Anniston and Barbra Streisand had botched plastic surgeries. And Tom Cruise is being hauled into court because of his Scientology stuff again.

No, no, it’s true. I read about all the newsworthy events while scanning the tabloid headlines in the checkout lane at Kroger. Forget about Russian collusion and presidential candidates. Who cares about anything at all in Washington, D.C. when you have O. J. Simpson standing up for Bill Cosby to suggest he be put in protective custody? (O.J., by the way, is apparently continuing his nonstop pursuit of finding his wife’s killer on several parcels of fertile land near Las Vegas. His method involves hitting a little white ball as far as he can down vast expanses of green grass and searching diligently behind any trees that get in his way. There’s also a rumor he’s appearing in a movie and that he’s blaming the NFL for his troubles.)

British Royals are at each other’s throats. William and Harry seem to be avoiding each other. Harry apparently had a rather raucous paternity party. (I didn’t know there was such a thing, raucous or not.) Maybe William wasn’t invited. Also, neo-Nazis are in an uproar because Harry married Meghan. Speaking of Meghan, she’s supposedly tossing away her U.S. citizenship to avoid paying taxes in this country. The Queen has put her on a short leash. I think it has something to do with the fact Meghan wants to name the baby either Irving or Maude Ethel. Oh, Kate and Meghan are at war too. No reason given other than Kate’s skinny as a rail after having three babies and Meghan will, of course, be having some nips and tucks done right after giving birth. (Hey, I’m only repeating what I read.)

Of course no trip down the checkout aisle is complete with an update on everything Kardashian. So here goes: Kim had a CBD-themed baby shower. For the under-initiated, CBD seems to be “a naturally occurring compound found in the resinous flower of cannabis.” It apparently acts a little differently than its THC cousin. Guests were invited to smoke a bit or just rub some oil on their respective bodies. Kim and Kanye are divorcing too. Or not.

As for Kourtney K., things may be heating up again with John Mayer. I must admit I didn’t even know they’d been together at any time in the first place. By the way, Khloe and Tristan may not be done either. Stay tuned. Oh, and one more Kim report: She may well have spent $30,000 on a bathroom sink. One sink. Not the whole bathroom.

On the positive side of the ledger, you’ll be happy to know that 50 Cent has ended his feud with Randall Emmett and Lala Kent. No clue what it was all about, but hopefully everyone is buddy-buddy once again. In other good news, Larry King did not have another heart attack. It was just angina. And Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani are still married. And she’s pregnant. No, wait a minute. That may not be right. They’ve broken up! No, hold on. That may not be the whole story either. Sure wish they’d get things straight. The angst is just too much to bear.

There’s a new book out about how what you eat can help beat cancer. Something about no sugar and lots of veggies and fruits and anything green. Never-before-released stuff.

Other names in the news include Camille Grammer, Stassi Schroeder, Lily Collins, Cherry Seaborn, Wendy Williams, Farrah Abraham, Courtney Stodden, and Mercedes Javid. Also, Idris and Sabrina and Arie and Lauren got married. I’m not sure I know any of them, but somebody must. After all, they made the tabloids.

Sadly, Lady Gaga and Elton John are broke. And Adele secretly divorced husband Simon Konecki. And Mary Kate Olsen was caught kissing her own husband at a gala. Shocking. Just shocking.

Alleged college manipulator Lori Loughlin wants a trial ’cause she thinks she can avoid jail. Brad Pitt is spending the summer with his kids. And, of course, he and Jen are soon to get back together.

Finally, do you remember the Duggars? They had 19 kids. Well, one of the kids is now expecting a sixth child. If all the original offspring had that many, we’re talking 114 grandchildren. That’s a lot of birthday presents.

That’s it for now. I’ll keep diligently looking for the latest. It’s always important to keep up with the news.

 

©MMXIX. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer