At some point between now and January 3rdwhen the new Congress is sworn in (not inaugurated as rookie representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York seems to think), in all probability the (presumed) new Congressional leaders will have a sit-down with President Trump. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s role hasn’t changed, nor has Minority Leader Chuck Schumer’s. On the House side, however, it’s an entirely different story. Nancy Pelosi is once again wielding the Speaker’s gavel, and Kevin McCarthy is the newly minted Minority Leader.

Chances are the discussions at the White House won’t be quite as cordial as perhaps they were two years ago when Republicans had the most loyalists all over the Hill. There could very well be one or two points of contention between the contestants in this new round of the government game.

What I picture is a nice polished table in a conference room with the above-mentioned participants (and their attendant sycophants) smiling and shaking hands, so happy to see each other and eager to get started compromising on the People’s business. Then the cameras and reporters will be escorted out (with the exception of Jim Acosta who can go wherever he pleases), and reality will rapidly set in.

I’m not really sure who will throw the first volley, but if I had to guess, The Donald will probably get the ball rolling. And perhaps the discussion will go something like this:

TRUMP: All right, you can quit smiling. The press is gone. Here’s the deal: The Wall goes up in six months. Give me the money.

PELOSI: That’s funny, Mr. President. You always were a jolly joker. If you keep demanding that Wall, I’m going to let Maxine Waters loose again.

TRUMP: Look, Nancy, if you like those caravaners so much, why don’t you let some of them stay in yourhouse out in San Francisco? It’s big enough to handle a couple hundred of them.

McCONNELL: Hey, I like that idea.

PELOSI: Stay out of it, Mitch. We will certainly consider your request for funding, Mr. President, but what will you give us in return?

TRUMP: Whattaya want?

McCARTHY: I’ll tell you what they want. They want to bankrupt the country.

PELOSI: Kevin?

McCARTHY: Yeah?

PELOSI: You had your turn for six years. You should have made hay while the sun shone. Now butt out.

TRUMP: Still doesn’t answer my question.

PELOSI: I’m thinking we need to revisit healthcare and infrastructure and social programs.

McCARTHY: See? What’d I tell ya?

PELOSI: And then we need to let the 15 million undocumented people in our country become citizens.

TRUMP: Okay, so basically the same old, same old.

PELOSI: And California needs a couple billion for the fires.

TRUMP: Now at least we know what we’re dealing with. By the way, none of those things are going to happen. Maybe the fire money.

PELOSI: Open Sesame at the border it is then. Do you want to tell people, or shall I?

SCHUMER: Would anybody like to hear what I think?

McCONNELL: Chuck, we’ve got 53 votes in the Senate now, plus a couple of your guys are leaning our way. It doesn’t matter what you think.

SCHUMER: Hey, I’m important.

TRUMP: Only to Fake News, Chuck, only to Fake News.

McCONNELL: Mr. President, I suggest you start appointing federal judges left and right. We’ll get them all confirmed and set the stage for judicial conservatism for a couple of generations.

TRUMP: I like that idea.

PELOSI: You go right ahead and do that, Mitch. Then just see how much money the state of Kentucky gets in the budget. You do remember who controls the purse strings now, right?

McCONNELL: That’s cruel, Nancy.

SCHUMER: Ha! Take that, McConnell.

McCONNELL: Cool your jets, Schumer.

McCARTHY: I’m just curious. Just how big isyour house, Nancy?

TRUMP: Don’t forget to include the vineyard on the estate.

McCARTHY: You’ve got a vineyard?

PELOSI: Not really. Just 5,000 gallons of wine a year.

TRUMP: Lots of room for caravaners on that property. They could pitch tents to sleep in, but they will have to use your bathrooms.

PELOSI: Not gonna happen. Can we please just stick to business?

And so it might go. Only we’ll never hear any of it. Because when they all emerge, the sound bite will be: “It was a very fruitful meeting. Many different thoughts were exchanged, everyone had a chance to propose solutions, and we all definitely think there’s room for bipartisan support on several key initiatives.”

Everything old is new again.

 

©MMXVIII. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer