For at least the past two years, if you were a member of the South Korean military, there’s probably one job to which you never wanted to be assigned: Phone monitor in the Demilitarized Zone. There, apparently, a little less than a football field apart in distance, but light years away culturally, a hotline has been set up – one end in South Korea, the other in North Korea.

The DMZ is located near the uninhabited “Peace Village” of Panmunjom, so called because that’s where the active battles of the Korean conflict came to an end with the signing of an armistice agreement in 1953. It can be a lively place, but only when someone tries to defect from North to South. The North’s soldiers take a dim view of that activity, and well, let’s just say it usually doesn’t end nicely for anyone trying to make the dash to freedom.

It seems that ever since February 2016, the corpsman on duty for the South would call his North counterpart at 9:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. every day. And for almost two years, there was no answer. That all changed on January 3, 2018. To the surprise of everyone concerned, the North called. A photo released by the South Koreans showed a computer in a wood frame sitting on a desk with a fax machine. There are two phone handsets, a green one marked “North,” and a red one marked “South.” There are also two mysterious gray objects in the middle, which bear a striking resemblance to flip phones.

Details of the first conversation haven’t been released, but the dialogue might have had something to do with the upcoming Winter Olympic Games in Pyeongchang, South Korea. North Korean despot, er, leader, Kim Jong Un has said he may very well send a delegation of athletes to the Games. Perhaps he wanted to get a lay of the land before a possible invasion. But who knows?

At any rate, I thought it might be interesting to speculate on how that initial chat went:

(Phone ringing)

South: What the heck is that?

(Phone ringing again)

South: (Tentatively picking up receiver) Uh, hello.

North: Dude. What’s up?

South: Who is this?

North: It’s me. North.

South: Uh-huh. And I’m Kim Jong Un.

North: No, no, it’s me. Really.

South: Right. This isn’t Moon and some of the boys at the pool hall again, is it? Cause that wasn’t funny last time, and it’s not funny now.

North: No, man. Look out your window. I’m waving my hat at you.

South: Oh, yeah, I see it. Well, how ’bout that. Whattaya want?

North: Just checking on things. Big guy told me to call. You doin’ okay?

South: Yeah. You know – freedom, capitalism, great economy, stable government, selling products like crazy to America. How’s the Collectivist paradise?

North: Couldn’t be better. Rumor has it we may get rice Mondays, Wednesdays, and even Fridays this year. Comrades can’t stop smiling.

South: Everything still gray over there?

North: Pretty much. But when the electricity works, it looks kinda nice at night.

South: Seriously, why did you call?

North: Well, we’re thinking about sending a delegation to the Olympic Games there in your backyard.

South: You are, huh?

North: Yeah. Some guys were persuaded to run the four-man bobsled – in exchange for food.

South: Seems like a good deal. They won’t be bringing any nukes with them in their luggage, will they?

North: Perish the thought.

South: Well, we just heard you were having some launching troubles. Maybe it would be easier to just put them in some luggage and call it training equipment.

North: I’m shocked you’d think we’d even consider such a possibility.

South: Yeah, well, just looking out for the homeland. Speaking of which, is your leader coming to the Games?

North: No. I don’t think he’s going anywhere soon.

South: Afraid you guys won’t let him back into the country once he’s out?

North: You didn’t hear that from me.

South: Okay, got it. Anything else?

North: No, not really. My General wants to talk to your General, but not right now. We’ll call you back in, say, an hour or so. That work for you?

South: Sure.

North: Later, my man.

South: Back atcha. Thanks for calling.

North: No worries.

Now, that may not be exactly how the call went. But it is kind of fun to think about what transpired on that first conversation, isn’t it? Who knows? If relations between the two Koreas actually get better, the real soldiers on the phone may go down in history as the instigators of peace in our time. Hey, at least it sounds nice.

 

©MMXVIII. William J. Lewis, III – Freelance Writer